“I live in a separate house. I do not like to bother the children." A few days ago, after reading the headline of a national newspaper, I felt compelled to read the article. The information is exactly what I expected to find inside. On the lifestyle page of the newspaper, a lawyer answers readers' questions. A question came from a gentleman, who was 72 years old. His wife passed away a decade ago. He is the father of  two sons and a daughter. The man used to run a business. Now he is  living a life of retirement. He and his children are financially self-sufficient. Children are successful in their professions. They're quite busy. They are unable to see their father once a month. The old man would like to see his grandchildren. Since his sons are busy, he doesn't want to bother them. The old man stated, "I live in a separate house. The children have arranged for a caretaker to look after me. But now that I'm older, I miss my children a little bit more. I wish their company."

He said, "I am not financially dependent on my children." I have no complaint against them. But in our country, many misfortunate parents in their old age live a miserable life due to the utter neglect of their children. Is there any remedy for this? 

I read the gentleman's words with great difficulty. Then I noticed what the lawyer was responding to. I read her whole answer as well. After that, I thought I should say a few words to the Alkawsar readers about this. The lady respondent in that section offered some words of solace, saying, "You can seek recourse to this law," in reference to the Parental Maintenance Act of 2013. The Act states, "If a father or mother, or both, live separately without living with their children, each child of the parent must regularly pay a reasonable sum from his or her daily, monthly, or annual income to the parent." Or shall spend at least 10% of their monthly salary on their parents' maintenance.'

The Act further states, "No child may force his or her father or mother, or both, to live together or separately in an old home or elsewhere against the parents' consent." Regularly, children will inquire about their parents' health and provide them with any necessary medical care. In addition, the law indicates that parents receive regular companionship. If a child's wife, children, or other close relatives prevent him from meeting his obligation to his elderly parents, they will also be guilty of the same offence. They can also be punished under the provisions of this act.

I blinked once more at the man's query and the response, because there was no apparent response to his question. The gentleman had no interest in learning about the law. He stated that he had no complaints against the children. There, he simply discussed his heartache. Then, what is the purpose of presenting the law to him?

The point of thought is that, after the state has adopted the law, the question is, Why is this happening? Why are so many old homes being established in Muslim and family-oriented societies such as ours? Why do so many parents live a solitary life for the sake of their children's pleasure (!)? Many parents whose children reside outside the country live in apartments alone. They can sympathize with one another over the news of loss, illness, or any other hardship, yet they cannot meet readily. There are frequent reports of the passing of prominent retired officials, political figures, and senior businesspeople. Moreover, it is reported that all of his children reside abroad. The funeral will take place three days following their return to their home.

I was stunned when I read this news. Where exactly are we going? Where are our values disappearing? How quickly we are leaving our Islamic teachings! How many people who are apparently considered to be more successful in life or who pretend to be happy about their children's, family's, and own prosperity in front of the public are truly successful in life? How many of them ultimately spend their last days in peace? In certain instances, the responses are negative, and the number may be increasing. So, shouldn't we look for a solution? As we migrate overseas for economic progress, would we rush to lose our family traditions and religion? In this scenario, it is said that the children are currently abroad and will perform the burial in a few days. In a few days, this hope will be gone. Such is the situation in so-called developed countries. Now, children in these nations do not even have time to attend their parents' funerals. Someone is donating the body to medical institutes to avoid funeral expenses! (In this regard, the article titled 'Let's go back to the roots' published in the monthly Alkawsar in Zilqadah 1443 AH/June 2022 AD can be seen.)

Is it possible to deal with these problems through legal means? Absolutely not. Therefore, it must be solved from scratch. The generation should be raised in such a way that, even if the guardians consider separation, the children hold them in utmost regard and compassion. They will always be with them during moments of joy and sorrow. Despite your busy schedule, make time for parents and guardians.

As the age of the guardians increases, various childlike behaviors may also appear. Then, it is necessary to understand their emotions and provide support. Sometimes they simply become enraged. Occasionally, the temperament deteriorates repeatedly. Even then, they must continue to be supported.

Throughout the Holy Qur'an, Allah Ta'ala instructs human beings to forsake shirk, which is the gravest sin. Then He emphasizes the importance of obeying one's parents. Hence, misbehaviour with parents is the second-worst sin after disbelief in Allah. Allah says: 

وَاعْبُدُوا اللهَ وَلَا تُشْرِكُوْا بِهٖ شَیْئًا وَّ بِالْوَالِدَیْنِ  اِحْسَانًا.

Worship Allah alone and associate none with Him and be kind to parents. (Sura Nisa:36) 

In Surah Bani Isra'il of the Holy Quran, however, Allah Rabbul `Alamin speaks about today's neglected parents and elderly guardians. Allah says:

وَقَضٰی رَبُّکَ اَلَّا تَعْبُدُوْۤا اِلَّاۤ  اِیَّاهُ وَ بِالْوَالِدَیْنِ اِحْسَانًا اِمَّا یَبْلُغَنَّ عِنْدَکَ الْکِبَرَ اَحَدُهُمَاۤ  اَوْ کِلٰهُمَا فَلَا تَقُلْ لَّهُمَاۤ  اُفٍّ وَّلَا تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُلْ لَّهُمَا قَوْلًا کَرِیْمًا، وَ اخْفِضْ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ الذُّلِّ مِنَ الرَّحْمَۃِ  وَقُلْ رَّبِّ ارْحَمْهُمَا کَمَا رَبَّیٰنِیْ صَغِیْرًا .

Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And do good to parents. If one or both of them reach old age in your care, never say to them 'uff', ( a word or expression of anger or contempt) and do not scold them. And address them with respectful words. And submit yourself before them in humility out of mercy, and pray, “My Lord! be merciful to them as they raised me when I was young.” (Surah Bani Israyel: 23-24)

I frequently emphasize that children must always behave appropriately with their parents. It is also included in other Quranic verses. But why did Allah Ta'ala mention elderly parents separately in this verse? Why did he remark that if one or both of your parents reach old age, you should not treat them roughly; is it permissible to misbehave with young parents? This is not the case. In fact, the majority of elderly individuals suffer from mental decline. At that moment, they had a great need for their company. They enjoy staying close to family not only for food, but also for quality time together. However, age-related stress also diminishes endurance. At that moment, they may easily grow agitated and speak harshly to the children. Allah created mankind. He is aware of the temperament of his servants at any age. Therefore, He especially instructs the children to treat their elderly parents well, when their tempers are more likely to deteriorate without any reason. In addition, Allah Ta'ala has provided additional guidance in these verses. Don't be bothered with their rudeness; rather respond them politely. Allah says,

وَقُلْ لَّهُمَا قَوْلًا کَرِیْمًا.

And address them with respectful words.

This is not the end of the Qur'anic instructions; rather, Allah Ta'ala explained the instruction for His servants. He says,

وَقُلْ رَّبِّ ارْحَمْهُمَا کَمَا رَبَّیٰنِیْ صَغِیْرًا.

My Lord! Be merciful to them as they raised me when I was young.

The dua, which every Muslim makes for his parents, provides a rationale for excellent manners and politeness with parents in all ages and in all circumstances. This dua could have been complete without this part- کَمَا رَبَّیٰنِیْ صَغِیْرًا.   ( as they brought me up when I was young). Allah knows that his parents brought him up when he was a child. This dua teaches that children should always remember that parents endured alot of hardships while raising them during childhood and adolescence. A man who has this teaching ingrained in his mind would never be able to send his parents to an old home or elsewhere. What is the lack of our society? In the story of today's discussion, the problem isn't money-centric; rather it is social problem, which is religion centric. The further we get away from religious awareness and religious education, the more we arranged for our lonliness. Therefore, the issue is not related to the legislation but to the education system and family learning. It is relevant to the significance of teaching religion to the next generation during infancy and adolescence. As long as this education is not provided, the problem will continue to worsen.

Abridged Translation: Alauddin Rafiq